The Year of Loss and What We Will Gain
I struggle with negative emotions. Sadness, regret, fear and frustration….I always refer to these as “useless” emotions. My perspective has always been one of acceptance. “This is where we are" is how I begin hard conversations because dwelling and wallowing don’t generate answers or momentum. If it does not move the ball forward, then I don’t want it.
Enter 2020. In the last 24 hours my last two weddings for this calendar year have diverted into 2021, and this will be the first time in a decade that I am not producing a full event. I sat for a moment, letting the reality of the last nine months sink in, and my guttural reaction was that this is a year of loss. It goes beyond production for me; this is both personal and professional. I lost my father. I lost the opportunity to do what I love. I lost my dog. Our family vacations were canceled, my speaking engagements have been canceled, and school as my kids know it was canceled. Planning conversations were replaced with really tough calls, and where I was once a source of excitement for my couples, I quickly became the bearer of bad news. My fear is that joy would be replaced with dread. When they see my name on their caller ID I want them to experience excitement, not panic.
While I wish that I could be eloquent at this moment and say something beautiful, but it’s just gross. It’s sad and it’s hard and there is a sense of pervasive heartbreak. The loss of purpose. The desperate desire to create something. The compulsion to make the world a more beautiful place. That moment when I open a door and reveal a room to my newly married couples. I miss the process, the pretty, stress, the drama, and the chaos. I miss being painted into a corner and finding my way out, knowing that this moment could not exist without me.
Still, with all of this pain and loss and destruction, I remain an optimist. I refuse to live in this place or allow a moment of time to not only define my life but destroy it.
This is where we are.
Today. This is where we are, today, and I refuse to stay here. If I am who I say I am, then I need to look towards the light. My job in this moment is not to pivot or to ask why, it is to dig deep and find a way to exist in a new world. My job is not to change at my core, but the grow and learn so that I can be better in every way. The world will turn and when we emerge, together, who I am and what I do will be ever more important, because the stories I tell and the moments I create will be have been hard won and well worth the wait. After all the loss, there will be a gain.
Whether the loss is personal or professional, COVID related or brought about by the changes in our culture, we have all come to appreciate one another more. We understand the value of people over things, and we value the experience we share with one another on a much deeper level. When nothing is guaranteed and everything is lost, we realize that….
Losing someone we love inspires us to deeply and demonstratively cherish those we have…
In the absence of busy work, we find purpose…
Losing a beloved dog allows us to bring home a new puppy…
Being apart shows us how important it is to be together…
Postponing a wedding brings you deeper into your why, which is that having others bear witness to your love matters…
Distanced education brings me greater understanding of what my kids are being taught…
The absence of school has made them value their friendships…
There are so many things to be grateful for…Time with my kids. Time with my husband. Family dinners and late-night movies. Long talks and holding space to truly listen. Phone calls instead of text messages, hand made pasta, and lots of baking. New businesses and partnerships. ExcitingThere have been quiet mornings, late nights, questions, answers, and changes. There is a sense of grace and support, hope and love.
As for my beloved industry and the millions of people who work in it, we will survive because we have to. Because what I do is more than a career, it’s a calling. It isn’t a profession, it’s a purpose. Now, more than ever, the world needs us. And we need each other.
Stay safe. Stay healthy. And I hope that in all of this loss, you look to the light and you find love.
Always…a
Just a little reminder of who I am and why I do what I do….
